The Duffy Family

REMEMBERING.....

This is Grandaddy with Ella Kate During Christmas 2005. He loved it that she had so much fun playing with his oxygen tubing!

This is Grandaddy and Meemaw during Christmas of 2003 with their three great grandchildren (at the time). Now they have eight! (Eli is on the far right-he was almost 3 months old)

Today (March 25th) marks the 1 year anniversary of my Grandaddy's death...or rather his life everlasting. I've thought all day about what I wanted to write about and how I wanted everything articulated to really convey what my heart feels.

First off, I am sad: sad that he isn't here to share in our life experiences, sad that he won't meet any of my future children and that they won't know him and how wonderful he was. I am sad that I won't get to share a bowl of Breyer's ice cream anymore or hear him tell stories of when he was little or of how things "used to be." I so desperately want to see him sitting in his favorite recliner, smiling from ear to ear at his great grandchildren. I want to know that my grandmother isn't hurting from the loneliness that comes from losing the person you spent almost 60 years with. I am sad because life is changing and people I so desperately love will die. I know that my Grandaddy wouldn't come back even if it were an option-heaven is far too wonderful, but I find peace in knowing that I WILL see him again and there WILL be a day when death will be NO MORE!

I am also happy and comforted. It is so true that God's grace is sufficient and that He will meet all His children's needs. He has blessed our family with much needed comfort and physical, emotional, and mental grace. I know that Grandaddy is happy, healthy, and doing the one thing he loved more than anything: praising his Savior. Oh how he loved to sing! And now, he can sing perfectly. He doesn't get out of breath or cough due to the cancer in his lungs. He can sing and never grow tired. I have so many memories-27 years of them that I will cherish for my lifetime until I see him again. I can't help but smile when I think of how much he loved to hold Ella Kate and let her play with his oxygen tubing! That just tickled him. I can't help but smile when I think of how Eli couldn't say Grandaddy so he opted for Daddydaw cause of course that goes much better with Meemaw! I can't help but laugh at the hundreds of bowls of ice cream he could eat and never gain a pound...and he always wondered why I wouldn't have a bowl as big as his :)
I think back to the day of Grandaddy's death and thank God for His grace. Daddydaw's passing was smooth, quiet, and peaceful. There was no suffering. He was here one minute and with Christ the next-thank you Father! When Meemaw speaks of those last minutes, tears flood my eyes as I picture what she describes. A devoted wife and two children sitting by their husband's/father's side singing hymns and holding his hands. He left this world praising his Father and entered heaven doing the same! I never once heard him complain or be mad at God for his suffering. He knew that in this world there would be suffering and he accepted that beautifully! Although he would be frustrated at not being able to do the things he once could, at not being able to walk across the room without getting out of breath or without his side hurting, he still continually praised his God! I am thankful for a family that clings to their faith knowing that God keeps His promises and in Him and Him only do we find true joy...even in death! I thank God for a family that exemplifies that!

I also think back to the day of the funeral. The service was one not of sorrow, but of the hope we find through Christ our Savior. It was spent praising God for his unspeakable love. I remember everything about that day. I remember what we were all wearing, I remember the people who so lovingly cared for us and reached out to us to offer support. I remember stories that people told that I had never heard. I met people who came because Daddydaw had had such an impact on their life (and he probably never knew it). I remember so many emotions. I remember sadness, happiness, gratefulness, hope, pain, nervousness, trust, vulnerability, desperation, and I could go on and on. I remember how it felt to see him for the first time since the last time I saw him the night he died. I can feel butterflies in my stomach like I did when we drove into the cemetary. Those feelings will probably never go away, but I know that despite those feelings (good or bad) I have a hope in Christ Jesus. He is my strength and my salvation. He is my rock. He will never leave me or forsake me. He is who He says He is and that means He will do what He says He will do!!! That is so encouraging to me!

One last thing I remember is humor. When we were all at the gravesite, Eli did something and I am quite sure that God pulled Daddydaw aside and said, "Hey, watch what your mischeivious great grandson is about to do to you!" Eli loves buttons, levers, switches, etc. Well, my son happened to find the lever that lowered Daddydaw into the ground. So, there we were (thankfully Meemaw had already gone back to the limo because it was cold) watching Daddydaw's casket being lowered into the ground by my then 2 year old. I was flipping out!!!!! I mean seriously, what do you do in a situation like that? Most people would try and find the switch that stopped the horribly untimely thing from going any further, but I was just frozen in time, appalled that my son would do this :) After my brother quickly found the switch that stopped the casket, we all got a good chuckle out of it. The running joke for a while was that Eli actually "put his Grandfather in the grave." I imagined Daddydaw sitting up there looking down saying "Yes, God, that one you made is a real piece of work-glad you aren't finished with him yet!"

So, as this day ends, I am thankful for, satisfied by and complete through the truths that Christ has given us...even in death.